Later we went to see the movie 'There's something about Mary'. At the movie theatre, we decided to make funny conversations between ourselves and say them loudly in an attempt to make the rest of the assembled mortals laugh (or at least smile). However, we were speaking very fast and with an accent (My accent was an upper class Brit accent while his accent was a Frenchman's accent - Don't ask me whether it was or wasn't an upper class Frenchman accent because I haven't seen any upper class Frenchman except Jaques Chirac [and everyone knows that none can understand his English and thence comprehend his accent].)NB:- No offence to the french.. i'll have the Brits the next time.
Me: Hey, what kind of a movie theatre
is this?
Him: Its the best movie theatre I've seen.
Me: OOO So this one is sooo cheap?
Him: Its the cleanest around.
Me: Ha! No wonder there are cobwebs
all over the ceiling.
Him: Well, .... that just proves that here
in this country, we care about all forms of life.
Me: Oh I most agree !!! Life ....
All kinds.... definitely.
Him: (That last sentence of mine pissed him
off. So he got on the offensive) So, if you know so much, maybe you could
tell me how many lizards are there in this auditorium?
Me: 537
Him: No there are 648
Me: Why, my
dear fellow, are you out of your senses? If the no. of lizards in this
auditorium were to be 648, then, I would be able to disprove Einstein's
Theory of general Relativity.
Him: OK So disprove
it!
Me: I can't!
Him: Why?
Me: Because there are only 537 lizards
in this auditorium.
( At this time, we had the person sitting
next to me laughing his butt off. So, we decided to carry on)
Him: All right! So there are 537 lizards
in this auditorium. So, how many of them, smart guy, are males?
Me: 42
Him: Wow! Lucky dogs!!
Me: Lizards!
Him: But how can you say that they have such
a ridiculous M:F sex ratio?
Me: Oh that's simple. However, I can't
explain it to you now, or ever!
Him: Because you don't have any idea about
the lizards in this auditorium. Am I right?
Me: Absolutely ............. Wrong!
Him: So why can't you enlighten us poor fellows?
Me: I can't because that will compromise
the security of the United States of America.
Him: As Saddam does....
Me: No ! The consequences of my disclosing
my knowledge to you will have much greater consequences than Saddam dropping
a H-bomb on Washington.
Him: Ok ! So you can't tell us. But, tell
me , how do you know all this?
Me: I have great knowledge of lizards.
Him: How come?
Me: Most of my High School teachers
were lizards (No offence Ma'am).
Him: But I still say
the sex ratio in lizards is 1:1. Shall we count them? Yes ... that's what
we should do.
Me: Well, lets
do it.
Him: But if the number
is false, then you should treat me to a large pizza. OK?
Me: Ha ,well , if the ratio I gave
you does turn out to be wrong, it shall be due to all the lizards currently
pregnant, giving birth to males.
Him: That's ridiculous. Lizards don't become
pregnant.
Me: Have you tried making one preg?
Him: Er, no . But my friend Bill C.
has. And he's failed.
Me: How can you expect him to make
a lizard preg? He'll kill it.
Him: Precisely.
Me: I have won this debate .... yes?
And just then the movie started and everyone
started laughing. That gave my brother the impression that he was very
funny. He now plans to become a comedy writer. May GOD save us from his
writings.